Paul told everyone when he grew up he was going to be a cartoon, and they all laughed. Well no one’s laughing now

In a cruel twist of fate, gourmet chef marries man who perfectly happy with peanut butter and jelly sandwich

Lest ye become a monster

THE ABYSS – Gazing over the edge of the precipice into the infinite void below, local sightseer Paul Munn, couldn’t help but notice that his usual sense of existential despair had been somewhat mitigated by the recent addition of handrails and The Abyss Gift Shoppe.

Munn lamented that while this had once been a quiet and desolate place, the expanded parking lot, big enough to accommodate up to five coach tours simultaneously, had made it quite impossible to contemplate the futility of life. There was a time, he reflected, when casting oneself into the bottomless depths would have at least been a final act of defiance against this cruel world, but now, with tourists standing right next to you with their selfie-sticks, such a gesture would amount to little more than a few Facebook posts for those quick enough to snap a picture.

At press time, Munn noted that in addition to the sign enjoining patrons with “Please do not feed the monsters” another had appeared posting the simple missive “Please do not stare.”

Local man just using blog as excuse to play with Photoshop

Cybernetic solider sent back from the future to stop resistance leader from watching Terminator: Dark Fate

Ithaca, NY – Yes, I know this was an xkcd cartoon.

At press time, seriously though, this guy’s an idiot. He always thinks the next one will be great, and he always ends up disappointed. How’d he ever end up running the resistance?